The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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