my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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