Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
