dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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