i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
