Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
