You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
