Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A bitchslap is in order.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
