This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
