By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
