the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
