Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
