i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
