I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
