then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This toilet bowl is my home.
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