You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
