Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
