Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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