dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If that was your dad, he is hot
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
