I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
