he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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