I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
