I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
