i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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