I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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