sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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