drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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