At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
