Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
