this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
