I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
