Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
