Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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