there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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