He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
