threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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