I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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