Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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