No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
