I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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