Did you just see the Batmobile???
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The dick lei will go down in squad history
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
