so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
