I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
