did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
