Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
