i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
