I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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