birth control should be required to get into college
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
