Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
