I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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