I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
