3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
