can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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